Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
