they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
