Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
