ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
