Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
