i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
