Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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