I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
