can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
