How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
