I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
