Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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