this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
