I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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