exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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