Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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