they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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