shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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