My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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