did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
