# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
