My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
