He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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