She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
