I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
