I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
