NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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