I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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