If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Randomize
