you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
