The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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