the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize