Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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