I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i think i have two assholes
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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