you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
