I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
