Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
