The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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