You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
