Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
