He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
