Sorry, I don't speak sober.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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