I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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