I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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