I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize