Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It's Friday. Sex?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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