what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
