thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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