Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
