this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
