my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize