He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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