My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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