we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
