Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Randomize
