last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she smelled like a LAN party
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
