were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
