tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
