mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
