did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
