rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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