i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
