He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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