Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
