I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
