Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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