Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
