ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
