now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
