My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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