He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
