Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
