just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize