I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
