Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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