I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
